DOWNEY RANCH, Inc.
Registered & Commercial Angus Cattle in Wamego, KS
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DEATH TO TLB

4/24/2015

26 Comments

 
TLB is gone! along with all the lymph nodes remotely close, and her ovaries, but the little bastard is gone! Surgery went smoothly, they were able to remove everything using the robot, they did have to go in to sew everything back together, but that is A-Okay.  She has a 3 or 4 inch incision along her c-section scar and 5 or 6 little incisions from the robot. the total surgery lasted 8 and a half hours, and we wont get to see her for another 2, for now, we're all catching up on some much needed sleep. Thank you all for all of the thoughts, prayers, facebook posts, comments, texts, calls, and messages. They worked wonders. I'll let my mom give you all the little details i missed later. On to the final round!
26 Comments

the first update

4/24/2015

1 Comment

 
10:00 update; Everything is going smoothly, the surgery is predicted to last 8 hours. So far they have been able to use the robotics, which is good! If they can't use the robotics they will make an incision from her chest to her waist line. From what I know they haven't actually removed any tissue yet, but they've still got plenty of time to do that! The next update should be around 12:00, until then you can find me and Laura raiding the frozen yogurt bar!
1 Comment

Here we go!

4/24/2015

11 Comments

 
Hey all! Barb left me (Anna, the oldest daughter) in charge of the blog today, so bear with me through any spelling or grammar errors! Mom left the hotel room this morning to head over to MD Anderson bright eyed and bushy tailed for surgery prep at 5 am! She should be well into surgery now, they started at 7.She says she's ready for this part of the journey to be over but she is scared (probably more than she'll admit) about what comes after, just like the rest of us here with here with.  MDA will have a nurse come out every even hour to let the family know how she is doing and where they're at, I'll try to get another post out every check in and when she's out. I can't thank you all enough for your thoughts prayers and actions over the past few months, it's a great feeling to know we have this much support behind us the whole way through! See you again in a few hours!
11 Comments

See you on the other side

4/23/2015

13 Comments

 
Picture
< 24 hours to surgery. Notice the green organ transplant ribbon still attached to my favorite running shirt.
     This getting ready has been hard on me.  I can honestly say I've not been scared of the actual surgery.  Well, of HAVING surgery, at least.  That has never bothered me.  In the past, I've only had gall bladder surgery, right after Laura was born.  That and 2 c-sections, which don't count to me because you're not put under.  In the pre-op, they'd normally give you Valium to calm the jitters, but because I was nursing, they couldn't.  The nurse did bring me 2 Benadryls.  "What are these for?" I asked.  I knew Benadryl as an antihistamine that has the side effect of making you sleepy.  Turns out that's exactly what they were after.  It was the nursing mother's Valium.  I tried to assure her I was not nervous but gave in and took them anyway.  Had me a nice little nap.
     So, I'm not scared of surgery per se, but I am bothered by this dividing line in life.  I'm scared of how the "after" Barb will function in life.  Will I still be able to do all those things that make me "Barb" now?  Ranching, running, camping, hiking and the like.  I'm scared of being somehow defined by this.  Of being Barb-slash-Cancer Survivor, or Barb-slash-Brave Ostomy Patient, or some other Barb-slash-???? 
     I put a photo of myself online this morning.  I had captioned it "My last run as a whole Barb."  Then I quickly edited to "Last run as this Barb."  Then I started running, which for me is always thinking time.  And I thought, dang it, I shouldn't have posted any comment!  I don't want to whine to you all.  I don't want to whine period.  So then I started playing you all's comments in my head, because I know you guys.  And you didn't disappoint!
     You all have been WONDERFUL for me.  I've been able to indulge in a little venting, wallowing, irreverency and what ever else comes along in my brain.  You all have listened patiently, and when I've needed it, offered up good things for my soul and the occasional kick in the pants, which is also good for the soul.  It has helped me work through this and has been invaluable.  So, I'm running along as I said, and knowing that you all are offering up positive thoughts and encouraging words in response to my whiny FB post while I'm sweating and panting away on the trail.  I knew you all would pick up on my unwritten "whole Barb" lament and you would point out that there is (rightly) more to me than a stupid tumor.  
    And then I had one of those laugh out loud moments like I described back in my 2nd or 3rd blog post.  I laughed out loud because in paraphrasing you guys and the much-needed peptalk you'd give me, my brain said this:

Barb, you're so much more than a rectum.

     Then my mind started reworking the phrase, laughing to myself after my initial out-loud guffaw.  Things like
  • You're so much more than an ass.
  • I take that back. You're such an ass.  Well, you can be.
  • How will you be able to think?  That's where you've always kept your brain.
  • Leave me some more funny ones in the comments.  I know a few of you will have them.
     Mission accomplished, my friends.  Thanks for the help.  I'm back to laughing and making really stupid jokes.  And I know I will be no less "me" because a body part or two is missing and my life has a new normal.  It will always be part of me, but I'll be danged if it'll define me.  And all those things I've felt since Dec. 5, 2014?  Alone has NEVER been one of them.  God bless you all.
     Thanks for going along on the run and helping me work it through.  See you tomorrow on the other side.  As someone put it this morning, hello Barb 2.0.
13 Comments

Back in the Saddle Again

4/21/2015

12 Comments

 
     I arrived back here in Houston Sunday, April 19 for a whole ream of appointments ahead of Friday's surgery.  I am officially back in that time-warp known as MD Anderson where time drags in the moment but entire days disappear without me knowing it.  So far, two days have dragged/disappeared.  Yesterday (Monday), I had CT and MRI scans along with blood work.  Today (Tues), I met with my lead doc, surgeon Dr. Rodriguez-Bigas, and we took a look at what TLB has been up to since we last saw his ugly face.  And in that most rare of blog posts, I'm going to make this short and sweet.  I (you) hope.
     TLB appears to be about half his former size, but still precariously close to the anus.  Doc wouldn't say, but my money's on a 50/50 chance at saving it (the anus, not TLB).  Even if they save it, there's not enough margin to use the stapler.  What does that mean, you ask?  Fortunately for you, I asked too.  It means the reconnection of the colon to the anus will have to be done with hand stitches, which means much more collateral tissue damage.  I still have one definite hot lymph node out of the 3 original, but of course they will take all of those and a dozen more for safety.  In light of the modest regression, this means traditional chemo afterwards, so Mary Ann - the P-POP (Pray for Pill Over Port) campaign is probably out.
    
Tomorrow (Wednesday), I meet with the robotic surgeon, Dr. Nancy You.  My lead doc says she'll be the boss in the operating room, as long as robotics are how we're proceeding.  If they have to open me up all the way, Dr. R-B will take over.  I don't expect anything earth-shattering at her evaluation tomorrow; in my mind, I was most anxious for the read on the scans and I have those now.  Joe, the girls and my Mom & Dad arrive early on Thursday with the surgery first thing Friday morning.  And with that, we are through with today's headlines,
     In other news, the weather is GORGEOUS.  I have been on 2 runs and plenty of walks.  I decided since I started the first trip down here with a run, the 2nd one should start the same way.  Lots of outdoor exercise.  I'm going to have to figure out a way to get my hospital bed outside come Saturday.    
      I'm about to pack up and walk over to Rice Village for cocktails and dinner and some people watchin
g.  I am really glad to be back down here and taking action against TLB.  In the words of Inigo Montoya (again?!), prepare to die!
12 Comments

You Look Marvelous!

4/14/2015

7 Comments

 
   Well, I have been remiss, my friends.  I was so excited to get home, that I didn't do an update on how I'm doing.  Somehow, I guess you were supposed to just intuit my overall well-being.  Oops.  So I'm (finally) here to say...

I'm doing great!


     Just to bring you back up to speed, I had 6 weeks of concurrent radiation and chemotherapy down at MD Anderson in Houston. As is pretty standard for Stage III rectal cancer, the steps are as follows:
  1. 6 weeks of chemotherapy and radiation, completed 2/17/15,
  2. surgery to remove the tumor and cancerous lypmphnodes scheduled for 6-8 weeks after the chemoradiation,
  3. chemotherapy about 4-6 weeks after surgery lasting for 4-6 months.
     So now we're ready for Step 2-Surgery which is scheduled for 7am on April 24 and expected to last for 7-9 hours. Here, I'm going to split off, because I realize some of you don't want all the details. However, some of you do, so I'm letting you decide. If you want the whole enchilada, click here. Otherwise, keep reading and rejoin our little story down below.  

It's now safe to rejoin...

       I'm back to waiting now. Waiting for surgery on Friday, April 24 at 7am. I have to be down in Houston on Monday, April 20 for tests and consultations. I have 2 different surgery consults. The first is with the surgeon who heads my team. The second is with the robotics surgeon who will be operating too. You see, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. According to Dr. RB (my team leader), they've been trying to get him to go robotic for years now and he said he's too old to start that now. There's no difference on long term survivability, he assured me. The surgery just as effective either conventionally or robotically. I think in his mind, that was the end of the discussion. I countered with the indisputable logic that if it's easier on the patient, then why the heck WOULDN'T you do it? I told him, "I'm going to bring you the best, healthiest patient I can possibly bring. What's the best you've got?" Score a direct hit, because we're going robotically. At least that's the plan. If they get in there and need to go conventionally, then they'll open me from breastbone to pubic bone and do the whole thing the traditional way. I should be awhile on the table, so I'll set up Joe to post something afterwards. Check in around 3 or 4 pm.
     We'll know afterwards how effective we were at beating TLB into submission, or if we at least left him with significant battle scars. What he suffered will determine which way the surgery goes (robotics or conventional) and if I'll be reconnected or permanently bypassed. Pray that I get hooked back up! This is where the shirt and matching head band come in.
Sidebar: Can we be frank?
     I was visiting with a good friend last week, and he mentioned that he and another mutual friend were talking.  One of them asked the other, "Did you read ALL the stuff?" which I'm guessing meant, "Dang. She leaves nothing to the imagination." I seriously had to think to myself, "I wonder what I said?" because in my mind, I've left a lot to the imagination.
     But they were right; I tend to be very frank. But that has a purpose. The unknown is scary, and there are enough unknowns on this journey. By laying out the facts, I am ripping the veil off the unknown so that I (and anyone else reading this) might feel a little less intimated or scared of rectal cancer or cancer in general. Knowledge is power, for me at least, and a good many others I suspect.
     So, it's all here. Well, most of it. And if just 1 person benefits, then I've accomplished something. But if I've skipped something, that's just me trying so show a modicum of consideration for those who might be uncomfortable with the whole, naked picture. However, if you're wondering about something, ASK. I will tell and will be happy to tell. No secrets, no embarrassment, no taboos, no fear.  Just ask.

Grrrrr....


     I have to say, this is the worst it's been, attitude-wise. Before, I had the job of lining things out - making decisions and figuring out with Joe what we were going to do. Done. Then I had my time down in Houston. Going in each day for a treatment, assorted Dr. appointments, taking my chemo and keeping up with all of that. I was doing concrete things to improve my chances of my best outcome and now those items are all complete. Now I'm just waiting to see what was accomplished, which feels like limbo. Looming large in front of me are events that will forever change my day-to-day life and every decision I make from here on out. Like having a child, but in a different, not entirely positive way. I find myself now in inexplainably bad moods, getting mad about things that normally wouldn't bother me and lashing out in ways that aren't deserved.
    The good thing about procrastinating on posting this (it's been "under construction" for weeks) is that as we've drawn closer to the date, the wait is almost over and my mood is much better. I am R-E-A-D-Y. Yesterday.
     I leave Sunday, April 19 for Houston.  Joe, Anna and Laura Cate arrive on the morning of April 23 along with my parents. Joe, the girls and my Dad will leave on Sunday, April 26. I'll be in the hospital in for 4-7 days then need to stay in Houston for 7 days after they kick me out. Mom and I will stay together at the Rotary House which is attached to MD Anderson and quite nice. We're sharing a room. Hopefully, Mom will not kill me after fetching for me in a hotel room for a week and we'll return together sometime around May 6 or 8.
     Until then, I continue to be the beneficiary of many kind words, prayers, gifts and love. I really and truly am doing well. I don't feel like anything is wrong, which is great, but kind of spooky in a way. I'm walking, running, working (well, what I think will pass for work and keep everyone off my back!), enjoying life and all of the normal stuff. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH! Now, let's all work together to finish off TLB. To quote Inigo (reread earlier posts if you've forgotten), "Prepare to die."
7 Comments

    Barb Downey

    On Dec. 5, 2014, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. And that's where we start. If you're here for the first time, you'll have to read from the bottom (no pun intended!) up. Go to Dec 2014 and scroll to the bottom of the page...

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Downey Ranch, Inc.
Joe Carpenter & Barb Downey
37929 Wabaunsee Rd.
Wamego, KS  66547

(785) 456-8160 - Ranch
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