DOWNEY RANCH, Inc.
Registered & Commercial Angus Cattle in Wamego, KS
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See you on the other side

4/23/2015

13 Comments

 
Picture
< 24 hours to surgery. Notice the green organ transplant ribbon still attached to my favorite running shirt.
     This getting ready has been hard on me.  I can honestly say I've not been scared of the actual surgery.  Well, of HAVING surgery, at least.  That has never bothered me.  In the past, I've only had gall bladder surgery, right after Laura was born.  That and 2 c-sections, which don't count to me because you're not put under.  In the pre-op, they'd normally give you Valium to calm the jitters, but because I was nursing, they couldn't.  The nurse did bring me 2 Benadryls.  "What are these for?" I asked.  I knew Benadryl as an antihistamine that has the side effect of making you sleepy.  Turns out that's exactly what they were after.  It was the nursing mother's Valium.  I tried to assure her I was not nervous but gave in and took them anyway.  Had me a nice little nap.
     So, I'm not scared of surgery per se, but I am bothered by this dividing line in life.  I'm scared of how the "after" Barb will function in life.  Will I still be able to do all those things that make me "Barb" now?  Ranching, running, camping, hiking and the like.  I'm scared of being somehow defined by this.  Of being Barb-slash-Cancer Survivor, or Barb-slash-Brave Ostomy Patient, or some other Barb-slash-???? 
     I put a photo of myself online this morning.  I had captioned it "My last run as a whole Barb."  Then I quickly edited to "Last run as this Barb."  Then I started running, which for me is always thinking time.  And I thought, dang it, I shouldn't have posted any comment!  I don't want to whine to you all.  I don't want to whine period.  So then I started playing you all's comments in my head, because I know you guys.  And you didn't disappoint!
     You all have been WONDERFUL for me.  I've been able to indulge in a little venting, wallowing, irreverency and what ever else comes along in my brain.  You all have listened patiently, and when I've needed it, offered up good things for my soul and the occasional kick in the pants, which is also good for the soul.  It has helped me work through this and has been invaluable.  So, I'm running along as I said, and knowing that you all are offering up positive thoughts and encouraging words in response to my whiny FB post while I'm sweating and panting away on the trail.  I knew you all would pick up on my unwritten "whole Barb" lament and you would point out that there is (rightly) more to me than a stupid tumor.  
    And then I had one of those laugh out loud moments like I described back in my 2nd or 3rd blog post.  I laughed out loud because in paraphrasing you guys and the much-needed peptalk you'd give me, my brain said this:

Barb, you're so much more than a rectum.

     Then my mind started reworking the phrase, laughing to myself after my initial out-loud guffaw.  Things like
  • You're so much more than an ass.
  • I take that back. You're such an ass.  Well, you can be.
  • How will you be able to think?  That's where you've always kept your brain.
  • Leave me some more funny ones in the comments.  I know a few of you will have them.
     Mission accomplished, my friends.  Thanks for the help.  I'm back to laughing and making really stupid jokes.  And I know I will be no less "me" because a body part or two is missing and my life has a new normal.  It will always be part of me, but I'll be danged if it'll define me.  And all those things I've felt since Dec. 5, 2014?  Alone has NEVER been one of them.  God bless you all.
     Thanks for going along on the run and helping me work it through.  See you tomorrow on the other side.  As someone put it this morning, hello Barb 2.0.
13 Comments
Joe LaBarbera
4/23/2015 08:56:21 am

So Lucky, nobody will ever be able to tell you not to make an ass of yourself...we all wish we could be like you.

Reply
Jack Lindquist
4/23/2015 09:08:49 am

What is changing? You'll still be the butt of your friends jokes.

Sorry, I'm uncomfortable with the pun but it's in the spirit of the challenge Barb. Best wishes tomorrow as you take the next step to kick some ass!

Exsize that little demon!!

Reply
DebbieLB
4/23/2015 10:53:29 am

That's my friend--always willing to make an ass of herself! By the way, I hear someone's been drawing on your ass. My ass is way too hairy for permanent marker to show up. If my ass doesn't start to shed pretty soon, it will be a very hot ass in the warm weather.

Reply
Ron Vanlerberg
4/23/2015 11:15:11 am

Barb,
Lisa and I are Praying for You.

Ron

Reply
Shannan
4/23/2015 01:00:36 pm

Barb,

You're not alone, you're not alone, you're not alone, you're not alone, you're not alone, you're not alone, you're not alone... Thinking big POSITIVE thoughts of you. TLB never had a chance. I love you, Barb, and prayers from New Jersey.

Reply
Becky Newell
4/23/2015 01:22:33 pm

Oh, Barb ... you're not a butthead, and you may not be able to pull anything "out of your ass" in the future, but that doesn't change who YOU are. Love and hugs!
Becky

Reply
Elaine
4/23/2015 03:11:52 pm

Dang, I never got to tell you to shove it up your ass! We love ya Barb! You will be able to run your ass of after losing a little colon! That's all I can come up with !

Reply
Jody Donohue
4/23/2015 03:36:22 pm

Barb, From the bottom of my ass, I am wishing and praying for your total success tomorrow. Yes the saying is usually "from the bottom of my heart," but since my ass is bigger I'm invoking it.

Reply
Glenn Brunkow
4/23/2015 03:48:25 pm

Just think Barb 2.0 will be qualified to be an Extension Agent. Most of us have to go through our first county fair to lose part of our ass but you have always been an over-achiever! You have been and will continue to be in my prayers.

Reply
Shelly Heimer
4/24/2015 01:23:48 am

Hi Barb, I have never met you, but I have read your posts on your blog. You are such a strong and brave lady! You've got this! Thoughts and prayers are with you from Lindsborg, KS!

Reply
DebbieLB
4/24/2015 03:42:48 am

Thanks, Shelly! Your prayers mean so much! Barb is really a very special gal.

Reply
Eric Atkinson
4/24/2015 03:22:15 am

I'm writing this as you're in surgery, Barb. Aside from the fact that you are one of the irreverently wittiest human beings on this planet...people who inspire are the bedrock of all that's good in us. Barb, our friend and neighbor...you inspire. Rhonda and I are eager to have you back, terrorizing the backroads of Wabaunsee Township once again. You're in our prayers.

Reply
Dick and Nan Skochdopole
4/24/2015 05:08:54 am

There's some Methodist prayers coming your way too!!

Reply



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    Barb Downey

    On Dec. 5, 2014, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. And that's where we start. If you're here for the first time, you'll have to read from the bottom (no pun intended!) up. Go to Dec 2014 and scroll to the bottom of the page...

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Downey Ranch, Inc.
Joe Carpenter & Barb Downey
37929 Wabaunsee Rd.
Wamego, KS  66547

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